SOLMI

As we mentioned in this week’s news update, SOLMI headed over to the house of our good friend Jermaine to play a little Halo 3. Believe it or not, Jermaine actually stayed up all night and “finished the fight” before most people even got home from work. That either says something about his ability to commit, or is a cry for help to be saved from his world of polygons and pixels.

Except I think he REALLY likes it there.

I suppose he’s alright though. A little tired perhaps, but he was still able to wipe us off the map with the kind of precision and efficiency you wish you could find in our military. And Jermaine’s not just about finishing the story either. This is a guy that will break open every crate, look behind every rock, and collect every floating orb to unlock every last achievement available. To be fair, I suppose the troops in Iraq probably did a pretty good job looking for all those WMD’s. But to complete the analogy, it would be akin to going out on release night, picking up Halo 3, getting home and finding that instead of a game disc inside you just bought somebody else’s diarrhea. Sucks to be you.

Regardless, Jermaine’s marathon Halo fest (which began Tuesday and ends Thursday) will be halted by the siren song of work, beckoning him from downtown Orlando. Yes, the sweet security of a steady paycheck at the expense of his soul and free time will undoubtedly have its way with him upon his return. But hey, MixelPix isn’t all that bad. I mean sure, it’s purple. And it has that nauseating green accent color, yeah. But it’s got promise. I mean eventually you might even get to see all of your friends’ pictures in one place! Just think of it! Basic features! YAY!

Hopefully we’ll see that implemented before Twitter releases their version later this year. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?

Anyway, a special thanks to Jermaine for having us over to play his new game. We had a great time, and it would be terrific to do it again sometime. Until then I’m going to have dreams about swinging giant, bladed hammers into Brian.

I think I’m beginning to see why Jermaine loves games so much.

Goodnight, all.

Hello all. Since I am having a fit of writer’s block tonight but I still wanted to post something new, I figured “hey, now might be a good time to post the new episode in the exciting life of Shane Bloomer!” I quickly agreed with myself, gave myself a high five, then set about to copying-and-pasting. So without further delay, away we go:

SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS: PART TWO OF EIGHT

Shane Bloomer liked a girl. Now it can be said that Shane Bloomer liked many girls. Indeed, this was how it truly was. Shane Bloomer, after exchanging as little as a look with an attractive girl would fantasize on end about how this initial connection would lead to a lasting relationship full of love, wonder, and wonderment. In years to come Shane Bloomer and the random girl that would then be Shane Bloomer’s blushing bride would recount how it all started with a glance in the others’ direction.

Alas, the narrator explains the unnecessary as is the narrator’s job.

Shane Bloomer really liked this girl. She had black hair, which Shane Bloomer was attracted to. She wore glasses and Shane Bloomer had no objection to this choice. He did not know what to say to her when he looked at her, and he interpreted this as a sign of puppy love. Shane Bloomer could tolerate this, though cats certainly made Shane Bloomer sneeze. Shane Bloomer liked this girl and her name was Jennifer. This complicated things. He did not know whether to call her Jen, Jenny, or any other variant upon the original aforementioned first name of the girl whom Shane Bloomer felt a most certain attraction, some could say a connection, with. Shane Bloomer was weary of long sentences.

Shane Bloomer worked as other people did. Shane Bloomer took his job seriously though it was not a serious job. His coworkers did not take their jobs seriously, and this upset Shane Bloomer. His coworkers generally felt that Shane Bloomer was an awkward man. Indeed, this was the general consensus of much of Shane Bloomer’s community. The awkwardness was not in his gait alone, though his gait was awkward. His awkwardness was not in his hair alone, though his personal appearance in such areas of the face certainly was awkward. His awkwardness was a blanket that covered him entirely. Shane Bloomer preferred metaphors to similes, as he felt the use of “like” or “as” was too obvious. He knew he was above such things.

Shane Bloomer had an average reading level.

Shane Bloomer often stood as a flamingo, with one leg bent and the foot resting on the other leg’s knees.

The narrator gives way to erroneous thought, as is inevitable for the narrator.

Shane Bloomer had needs and desires the same as any other person. He wanted to feel important a lot as well as wanting to feel needed. Shane Bloomer would never have said any of this to any one at any time. If anyone were ever to know, he thought, he would be made completely vulnerable. But in all reality, whoever had found out such deep innate yearnings would just feel awkward. After all, it was Shane Bloomer. Shane Bloomer did not quite understand this. He did however, understand most of Ulysses by James Joyce though no one ever cared to ask about this important fact. Shane Bloomer lied on occasion.

Shane Bloomer slept as others did. He would try to get the eight hours he had always heard was needed as a good night sleep. He also, on occassion in always in the dark with the door closed, would try dream exercises. Shane Bloomer had heard of such things and wondered if he had the mastery of mastering his own mind. He would try things like waking up to a specific time without the use of the clock. Shane Bloomer would also try to set up what he would dream that night.

Here is what Shane Bloomer would try to imagine: a four door sedan in a world which lacked rhombuses and had nary a cat. A world in which others accepted him and he felt happy. A world in which he could control his own dreams.

The narrator is again repetitive, as the narrator tries not to be.

THIS CONCLUDES PART TWO OF SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS.

What a sad year for the lit world. First Kurt Vonnegut, now the incredible Madeleine L’ Engle.

For those of you not familiar with her works, first pause to regret that you landed such a horrible 5th grade teacher. Then go out and buy A Wrinkle In Time.

I remember my 5th grade teacher Mrs. Adney, who I privately called Mrs. Agony, recommending A Wrinkle In Time to me. It was probably one of her few nurturing acts of the year. Anyhow, I instantly devoured the book, thrilled with the trippy sci-fi story and wonderfully ridiculous characters, such as Mrs. Who, Mrs. Which, and Mrs. Whatsit.

I later re-read the novel in middle school, and this time around I loved it for the protagonist, Meg Murray. Meg is a brilliant but surly teenager who is generally disliked by her teachers and peers. I think she must have the inspiration for Hermione; she has bushy brown hair, is smarter than all the boys, and ends up going on adventures that involve traveling in time. For me her character was such a refreshing change from what I was getting in the Full House Books, The Babysitters Club, and Fear Street.

There was definitely nothing commercial about L’ Engle’s writing; as a matter of fact, A Wrinkle In Time was rejected 26 times for being “too different” before someone took a chance and published it. I’m so thankful they did; I credit this book as one of the first to develop my hunger for reading.

She wrote many books based on the Murray family and others, and all are worth reading. I hope her books remain a part of the sci-fi and children’s literature canon for years to come.

The New York Times quotes:

“Why does anybody tell a story? It does indeed have something to do with faith. Faith that the universe has meaning, that our little human lives are not irrelevant, that what we choose or say or do matters, matters cosmically.”