SOLMI

Hello all. Since I am having a fit of writer’s block tonight but I still wanted to post something new, I figured “hey, now might be a good time to post the new episode in the exciting life of Shane Bloomer!” I quickly agreed with myself, gave myself a high five, then set about to copying-and-pasting. So without further delay, away we go:

SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS: PART TWO OF EIGHT

Shane Bloomer liked a girl. Now it can be said that Shane Bloomer liked many girls. Indeed, this was how it truly was. Shane Bloomer, after exchanging as little as a look with an attractive girl would fantasize on end about how this initial connection would lead to a lasting relationship full of love, wonder, and wonderment. In years to come Shane Bloomer and the random girl that would then be Shane Bloomer’s blushing bride would recount how it all started with a glance in the others’ direction.

Alas, the narrator explains the unnecessary as is the narrator’s job.

Shane Bloomer really liked this girl. She had black hair, which Shane Bloomer was attracted to. She wore glasses and Shane Bloomer had no objection to this choice. He did not know what to say to her when he looked at her, and he interpreted this as a sign of puppy love. Shane Bloomer could tolerate this, though cats certainly made Shane Bloomer sneeze. Shane Bloomer liked this girl and her name was Jennifer. This complicated things. He did not know whether to call her Jen, Jenny, or any other variant upon the original aforementioned first name of the girl whom Shane Bloomer felt a most certain attraction, some could say a connection, with. Shane Bloomer was weary of long sentences.

Shane Bloomer worked as other people did. Shane Bloomer took his job seriously though it was not a serious job. His coworkers did not take their jobs seriously, and this upset Shane Bloomer. His coworkers generally felt that Shane Bloomer was an awkward man. Indeed, this was the general consensus of much of Shane Bloomer’s community. The awkwardness was not in his gait alone, though his gait was awkward. His awkwardness was not in his hair alone, though his personal appearance in such areas of the face certainly was awkward. His awkwardness was a blanket that covered him entirely. Shane Bloomer preferred metaphors to similes, as he felt the use of “like” or “as” was too obvious. He knew he was above such things.

Shane Bloomer had an average reading level.

Shane Bloomer often stood as a flamingo, with one leg bent and the foot resting on the other leg’s knees.

The narrator gives way to erroneous thought, as is inevitable for the narrator.

Shane Bloomer had needs and desires the same as any other person. He wanted to feel important a lot as well as wanting to feel needed. Shane Bloomer would never have said any of this to any one at any time. If anyone were ever to know, he thought, he would be made completely vulnerable. But in all reality, whoever had found out such deep innate yearnings would just feel awkward. After all, it was Shane Bloomer. Shane Bloomer did not quite understand this. He did however, understand most of Ulysses by James Joyce though no one ever cared to ask about this important fact. Shane Bloomer lied on occasion.

Shane Bloomer slept as others did. He would try to get the eight hours he had always heard was needed as a good night sleep. He also, on occassion in always in the dark with the door closed, would try dream exercises. Shane Bloomer had heard of such things and wondered if he had the mastery of mastering his own mind. He would try things like waking up to a specific time without the use of the clock. Shane Bloomer would also try to set up what he would dream that night.

Here is what Shane Bloomer would try to imagine: a four door sedan in a world which lacked rhombuses and had nary a cat. A world in which others accepted him and he felt happy. A world in which he could control his own dreams.

The narrator is again repetitive, as the narrator tries not to be.

THIS CONCLUDES PART TWO OF SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 15th, 2007 at 1:47 am and is filed under Works of Genius. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.