SOLMI

So I was getting razzed today by Jason and Meagan for not posting anything new in this fine blog area. I figured I’d go ahead and put out the next episode in the chronicles of the life of Shane Bloomer. Maybe now they’ll get off my back. I doubt it, though. I sincerely do.

SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS: PART THREE OF AN EIGHT PART SERIES

Shane Bloomer was 22 years old. Shane Bloomer liked this because it had the number two twice. This made sense to Shane Bloomer. Though, truth be told, Shane Bloomer much preferred odd numbers to that of even ones. Shane Bloomer did not quite understand why. This plagued him because Shane Bloomer always liked to have an answer ready.

Shane Bloomer made sure to steer clear of the topic of odd vs. even numbers in everyday conversation.

Shane Bloomer had wishes and hopes. He had dreams and aspirations.

But, the narrator is vague as the narrator has always been.

Shane Bloomer had mixed feelings concerning animals. This was his own fault, he knew. You see, when Shane Bloomer could recall that when be was younger, that is to say, when he was smaller in stature and less experienced in the world, he had quite a negative experience with an ant. The smaller-of-stature Shane Bloomer had run across a rather large ant hill one day. He watched all of the ants scurrying about when suddenly a nasty thought came to him. Overcome with curiosity and a swiss army knife scissor appliance in hand, Shane Bloomer reached down and cut one of the ants in half. He watched as the back half of the ant lay still while the front half scurried about frantically. Shane Bloomer was so troubled by this that he went home that evening and had a good cry about the matter. He hoped this absolved him of any long standing guilt. Shane Bloomer preferred not to feel guilty about things. This always made him feel a bit guilty. But then again, so did most things.

Shane Bloomer tried to drink from glasses with one pinky raised. This would usually make him feel better.

Alas, the narrator gives way to the uninteresting.

Sometime Shane Bloomer would try to read a book. He’d always get halfway through, only to stop because of his everyday activities getting out of hand. When this happened, he was faced with a dilemma: forge ahead although he had forgotten most of the plot and major characters, or start over again? This always troubled Shane Bloomer and it always took him a long time to decide which course of action seemed most fitting for each certain situation. If there was one thing Shane Bloomer knew, it was that there was always right and wrong. Well, he also knew that rhombuses were a bogus idea.

It can be said that many viewed Shane Bloomer as an awkward man.

Shane Bloomer liked the number three. He wouldn’t completely be able to answer why. Because he was not able to distinguish the real motive behind preferring odd numbers to even numbers he decided to have a go at the matter and settle it once and for all. Shane thought long and hard about an even number. He picked the number two. He thought of the way it looked from top to bottom. How it began with curves and ended in a straight horizontal line at the bottom. Then, as a contrast, Shane Bloomer picked the number three and devoted as much time, if not more, in mental examination. Again as before, he examined the number from top to bottom. He noted the curves of the number.Shane Bloomer finally felt he had the answer.

It wasn’t the fact of how the numbers looked per se, it was the colors he had connected to each.

But, the narrator clears up what is not needed.

Shane Bloomer was 22 years old. He liked a girl. He had a job. He had a car. He had co-wokers and relatives. This is how everyone knew Shane Bloomer.

THIS CONCLUDES PART THREE OF SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS

This entry was posted on Friday, October 5th, 2007 at 12:34 am and is filed under Works of Genius. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.