SOLMI

I told Jason last week that I thought I’d try to develop some new rules for myself and writing for this site. Basically, I’d try to update about once a week, preferably on a Monday. That obviously didn’t happen. Also, I don’t really have any idea what to write about. Because of this I figured I’d just post the next episode in the ongoing adventures of Shane Bloomer. Enjoy.

SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS: PART FOUR OF AN EIGHT-PART SERIES

Shane Bloomer hated his own eyes. Now, he fully understood the usefulness of them, mind you. With his eyes he could see many a great thing. He saw four-door sedans, he saw girls. He always thanked his eyes for showing him these. Mostly, though, Shane Bloomer was not a big fan of having eyes. This was due to the fact that most of the time Shane Bloomer did not know what to do with them.  When in conversation, he recognized that it might be rude to not look someone in the face or to search elsewhere but he couldn’t figure out what else to do with them. Most of the things people said were wrong to Shane Bloomer but he did not have the heart to tell them so. So he averted his gaze and patiently waited for them to finish. Also, he heard that eyes were the windows to the soul. This did not sit well with Shane Bloomer. He did not want to look into the inner workings of others and he expected a return of the favor.

The narrator feels that the people would just see awkward behind Shane Bloomer’s eyes.

Shane Bloomer always tried to find a new hobby. He would walk into stores and examine many things available for purchase. He would take something like a model car off of the shelf, look at all sides of the box, then try to picture himself dedicated to the task of seeing a model car through to completion. He thought of the plastics, the glue, the paints. Shane Bloomer also imagined how this would make him appear to other people. Would they see him as someone with unique tastes, interested in creation of something otherwise meaningless? Would they see him as interesting? Would they see him as boring? Shane Bloomer would always decide to purchase the item.

Shane Bloomer had quite the collection of unfinished hobbies throughout his house.

He also had quite the collection of socks.

To the narrator, that is neither here nor there.

Shane Bloomer felt lonely sometimes. He considered getting friends but decided against it. He knew real friendships were like a two-way street. He had to offer something in return. Shane Bloomer, remembering this, would decide against getting any friends.

Sometimes Shane Bloomer would twirl his hair. He might also, on occasion, suck on his own tongue. Shane Bloomer had quite a number of long-standing habits.

Shane Bloomer loved the city. But even in his loving admiration of what the hands of men could do, Shane Bloomer always tried to keep a sense of disdain against all things modern. In this way he stayed neutral concerning the advancement of man. He was free to appreciate the works of humanity but also to criticize it. Shane Bloomer liked to have a lot of options available to him, as he hated to be stuck in one place. This included his own thoughts.

But the narrator knows Shane Bloomer tried not to think about this too much.

THIS CONCLUDES PART FOUR OF SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 at 1:31 am and is filed under General Bloggery, Works of Genius. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.