Hey Jason… from Brian Simpson on Vimeo.

Leo DiCaptain America.

Yeah. I know what you must be thinking. But it is ok, I’m sure each of you loyal to SOLMI will find your calling one day. Let me leave you with two more images:

Even if we were put off by a couple of them.

One thing that we’re real sticklers about is trying to make something that’s going to get somebody to laugh. Or, at the very least, that they won’t hate and wish were immediately over. That’s really not very easy sometimes. So when I see films that are, at best, completely self-serving I wonder why these people want to handicap themselves right off the bat.

I also don’t get why the credits for some films are nearly as long as the films themselves. I can appreciate giving credit where it’s due, so maybe it’s unavoidable for the larger productions. But if you’re the writer, director, producer, star and cinematographer, maybe skip the credit roll altogether. Because nobody cares.

Anyway, that’s my rant. We mostly had a good time and it’s nice that we were given the chance to get something of ours out there. Maybe we’ll look at sending Superhero to other events in the future. or maybe we should just try and get more videos done. That sounds like a good plan to me.

This doesn’t really have to do with SOLMI, but I thought maybe somebody would care anyway. The other day I gathered together some games that I haven’t played in a while (or ever). I wasn’t concerned with their resale value, so I brought them to GameStop; a place that notoriously low-balls customers on trade-in value. I thought I might get a discount on a new game by bringing them in, so I figured what-the-hey.

I’ve been wanting to play Rainbow Six Vegas for a while. Mostly for split-screen co-op. Brian and I had some good times playing Gears of War this way last year. So that’s what I traded my games for. A new copy of Rainbow Six Vegas. The GameStop employee behind the counter was surprisingly good-natured. Especially considering it was 20-minutes until closing. He talked to me about the game while inspecting my trade-in discs for scratches and instruction manuals. When he told me he could give me $20 for the games I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting something closer to $5. This brought the cost of Rainbow Six down from $29 to just $11. Not bad.

They actually had a used copy for $27, but I’m not above spending $2 for a guaranteed-to-work, fresh out-of-the-box, “it still smells new” copy. He took care of the transaction, and I went home. When I got there I opened the game commenting to Meagan on how great my GameStop experience had been. Then I flipped over the game and saw a Rorschach-style maze of scratches covering roughly 120% of the surface area of the disc. And one big greasy thumb print.

Not very cool, GameStop. I’ve heard the horror stories about GameStop before. I’m sure most of us have. Employees taking games home, playing them, then selling them as new. Poor customer service, bad customer service, and terrible customer service. But who else buys back games? I couldn’t think of anybody in the Orlando area that would take these off my hands and still give me a discount on a new game, so I went for it. And I probably should have just accepted the consequences.

I considered it, actually. Not taking the game back, or trying to get an actual new copy. I thought that if the game didn’t work then it would just serve as a reminder for why I should never shop at GameStop again. I talked to Brian and Meagan about this and they both immediately told me that was completely insane. And that it comes from being raised Catholic. The whole flagellation thing.

So to avoid that and future emotional issues I decided to take the game back and see if I could get it exchanged for a new one. I actually talk to the same guy that sold me the game a few days ago. He seemed like a nice fellow, but I didn’t totally buy his nearly inaudible declaration of innocence, “Wha, how did that happen?!”.

I should also mention that I was unable to test the game in Brian’s Xbox 360 because it’s broken right now. Again. So he’s shipping it off to Microsoft for repairs. Again.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the 360 is a fantastic gaming and entertainment machine. But would it kill Microsoft to produce something of quality these days? Why is it that every 360 owner I’ve heard from or talked to has shipped in their console once, twice, four times? Why can’t these companies just get it together? How did this turn into a rant about Microsoft? Where is my shirt? Why am I crying?!? OH GOD. WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS: PART FOUR OF AN EIGHT-PART SERIES

Shane Bloomer hated his own eyes. Now, he fully understood the usefulness of them, mind you. With his eyes he could see many a great thing. He saw four-door sedans, he saw girls. He always thanked his eyes for showing him these. Mostly, though, Shane Bloomer was not a big fan of having eyes. This was due to the fact that most of the time Shane Bloomer did not know what to do with them.  When in conversation, he recognized that it might be rude to not look someone in the face or to search elsewhere but he couldn’t figure out what else to do with them. Most of the things people said were wrong to Shane Bloomer but he did not have the heart to tell them so. So he averted his gaze and patiently waited for them to finish. Also, he heard that eyes were the windows to the soul. This did not sit well with Shane Bloomer. He did not want to look into the inner workings of others and he expected a return of the favor.

The narrator feels that the people would just see awkward behind Shane Bloomer’s eyes.

Shane Bloomer always tried to find a new hobby. He would walk into stores and examine many things available for purchase. He would take something like a model car off of the shelf, look at all sides of the box, then try to picture himself dedicated to the task of seeing a model car through to completion. He thought of the plastics, the glue, the paints. Shane Bloomer also imagined how this would make him appear to other people. Would they see him as someone with unique tastes, interested in creation of something otherwise meaningless? Would they see him as interesting? Would they see him as boring? Shane Bloomer would always decide to purchase the item.

Shane Bloomer had quite the collection of unfinished hobbies throughout his house.

He also had quite the collection of socks.

To the narrator, that is neither here nor there.

Shane Bloomer felt lonely sometimes. He considered getting friends but decided against it. He knew real friendships were like a two-way street. He had to offer something in return. Shane Bloomer, remembering this, would decide against getting any friends.

Sometimes Shane Bloomer would twirl his hair. He might also, on occasion, suck on his own tongue. Shane Bloomer had quite a number of long-standing habits.

Shane Bloomer loved the city. But even in his loving admiration of what the hands of men could do, Shane Bloomer always tried to keep a sense of disdain against all things modern. In this way he stayed neutral concerning the advancement of man. He was free to appreciate the works of humanity but also to criticize it. Shane Bloomer liked to have a lot of options available to him, as he hated to be stuck in one place. This included his own thoughts.

But the narrator knows Shane Bloomer tried not to think about this too much.

THIS CONCLUDES PART FOUR OF SHANE BLOOMER’S EXISTENTIAL GUIDE TO NOTHINGNESS.

A few months ago we entered Apple’s Insomnia Film Festival, a 24-hour race open to students across the country. Our entry was Superhero, written by Brian and starring himself, David Simpson, and Adam Viademonte. It’s quickly become our most popular show to date.

We first showed it publicly (that is, outside of the podcast) at February’s Film Slam here in Orlando. We ended up taking third place, which we were really excited about. Afterwards we were approached about entering our video into the Indie Film Jam, which is part of the Florida Music Festival. The Jam is more of a real film competition than the Film Slams, which are there to give an outlet for filmmakers in the area.

So as much fun as it is to enter the Film Slams, it’s going to be even more fun being in the Film Jam.

By entering the Film Jam, it looks like we’ll be eligible for a couple of awards. These include Best in Fest, Special Jury Award, and the Audience award. I’m sure there’s going to be some pretty stiff competition but it’s going to be a lot of fun going head to head with other filmmakers in the area. If you’d like to show us some support (and if you’re in the Orlando area) the festival is running between May 14th and 17th.

I’m sure we’ll have more specific information as the date approaches. We just wanted to give you guys a heads up and let you know how excited we are about this.

Young Gordon Leville has just taken a job as a watchman working the graveyard shift. An otherwise boring job turns into anything but as Gordon is quickly thrust into every adventure movie you’ve ever seen.

We shot this episode in one night from around 10pm to 5am in an office building we weren’t supposed to be in. This, of course, makes for the best shooting environment possible (not really). You should expect nothing less than the height of professionalism when working with the SOLMI crew.

Anyway, we were really excited to have Dave back working with us again. He did such an awesome job in Superhero we couldn’t help but bring him back. Brian and Dave have a presence together that transcends their brotherly bond. It’s magic. Pure and simple.

Writing credit goes to Brian, once again. That kid’s going places, let me tell you. Jason (that’s me) shot and edited. The fireball was Brian’s brainchild and carries with it that same professionalism I mentioned above. Again, only the best for SOLMI.

The title for this piece came from the deathwatch that a friend of ours placed on SOLMI. According to our pal Justin, SOLMI has been on deathwatch since January and if we hadn’t posted a new show by April 1st, we would be officially dead to him. So what did we do? We looked that challenge straight in the eye and said, “Listen, I’m going to cut you. And cut you deep.” That’s just how we roll.

]]> http://www.solmi.net/library/2008/04/08/deathwatch/feed/ http://www.solmi.net/library/2007/12/07/so-apparently-humanity-is-evolving/ http://www.solmi.net/library/2007/12/07/so-apparently-humanity-is-evolving/#comments Fri, 07 Dec 2007 07:33:27 +0000 Brian http://www.solmi.net/library/?p=29

I was just cruising through teh internets tonight after watching another disappointing episode of Heroes. I was thinking, “all this talk about human evolution and in two seasons of the show I have not seen anything making me say ‘bring it on, evolution’ .” Near as I can tell, as soon as you get powers as a direct result of evolution you either have some respiratory issues (like DL’s family) or you are completely gullible/self-centered (everyone on the show). My gullibility and self-centeredness are just fine at the moment thank you. I don’t need to leap another genetic hurtle there.

So, just as I was about to call fail on Darwin I came across an interesting article, which you may read here. To save you the time, the article not only says human beings are evolving but are evolving rapidly. Apparently there’s some genetic thing that proves this when you look at blah blah blah. That’s not the good stuff. The good stuff is that this article completely restores my faith in evolution. Go try your mousetrap arguments with someone else, Intelligent Designers!

You know why? I may have the retained power to digest milk on my side! That’s right, the current benefits of our Life-in-the-Fast-Lane Evolution include the astonishing ability to digest milk. Of course, that’s only if you’re Indo-European. Sorry guys, but that ChugALug milk is all mine! My genes call dibs!

So yeah, forget all of this evolution giving you the power of the the gods crap. Do you really want to swallow all of your kids for fear of dethronement? Or flood your entire creation because you can’t stand the tenants? Or take the form of a swan and force yourself on a woman? Actually, don’t answer that one…or any of them for that matter. What you need (and what you may get) is something ever the more practical. And who knows, in a few more generations, maybe humanity will evolve enough to be able to digest SOUR milk. And oh, what a day that will be.